Translucence

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I can count how many times I’ve read Twilight on one hand – just barely, though, mind you.

However, if you narrow that down, make it more specific: How many times have I read the first three-quarters of Twilight? I’m not so sure I’d be able to count that high.

xx&


My problem is that I like to watch things coming together, and that I lose interest shortly thereafter. I love Bella and Edward when they’re fresh – exciting, unsure. And yes, I adore them when they’re solidly together, but that’s… different. I can’t connect with it the same way.

It’s always beginnings with me. Meeting. Fast comebacks. Never having enough time and always having too much to say. But the second the beginning is over, I jump right to the end. I can’t find my middle ground.

I guess for Edward and Bella, seeing as they’re… you know, fictitious and all, they can conceivably be together forever. But I can’t translate that into real life. Here, ‘soulmate’ is nothing but a marketing ploy, tossed around loosely with phrases like ‘love at first sight’ and ‘took my breath away’. It’s commercial, and it’s nonexistant.

xx&


You’re all married. In relationships. Coming out of relationships. Whichever it is… you’ve all had someone, or you have someone, or you could conceivably have someone.

I haven’t met anyone that makes my heart jump. I mean, there are some people I feel nervous and jittery around, but that’s not love. That’s not even lust. It’s just adrenaline, pumping through my veins, because they don’t understand personal space, or because I’m worried they’re a step ahead of me. Just a touch more clever – that’s all it takes to make me nervous.

It doesn’t happen often. I’ll admit that sounds rather arrogant, but to be perfectly honest, it doesn’t happen as often as I’d like. I know heaps of people smarter than I am, but I want someone I struggle to keep up with. Someone who actually uses their full mental capacity, without sacrificing emotions and dreams. Too many of the brilliant young minds that I’ve met are so preoccupied with being smart that they’re passionless. They’re nothing but facts and books, crumbling away to dust in their irrelevance.

xx&


I want my Edward.

I want someone beautiful. And more clever than I. I want someone who is passionate, loyal, so in love with me that it burns. Someone who can make me laugh, catch me when I fall (lord knows I do that too often) or trip or flail. Who knows how to feel and when not to feel – when it’s better to just be.

I know you’ve all found someone, somewhere, at some point in time. Weather or not you’ve held on, clicked… you’ve at least found your initial connection. At least once.

Appreciate it- for me. Love everything that’s happened. Embrace the memory of your heart bursting or breaking. Love the rush you’ve all talked about and the way he made you feel. Dig your nails into the first time you had your heart broken and don’t ever let go.

xx&


One of these days, I will settle for second best. If you can’t find someone to make your heart flutter… well, why not go for the tremble? It may not register on the Richter scale, but it’ll get you from day to day.

Practicality over passion, right?

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