The kinds of people you shouldn’t date

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

When I started writing theNotice, I wanted to create a safe space. Its bread and butter has always been beauty content, but I wanted to create a blog where anyone could talk about the kinds of things you’re not “supposed” to talk about, in the comments or even by email.

That’s why I’ve covered everything from eating disorders to tampons to IUDs over the past eight years, and that’s why I’m talking about relationships today.

I haven’t discussed everything in my life here on theNotice, and frankly it would be weird if I had, but I’d like to be able to say that I haven’t lied about anything, at least. So, for my first post of 2016, here’s a little bit of honesty about my last boyfriend.

(Spoiler alert, he was shitty.)

happymonsters

Source: Happy Monsters

“If someone else is being a dick, that’s not on you.”

When people ask you about your partner, I feel like there’s always pressure to give them the answers that they want to hear. To share super-cute anecdotes about the two of you; to laugh coyly and lie about how good the sex is. It’s easy to champion how well your friends should be treated (so well! Like majestic unicorns!), but it’s so much harder to say “hey, the Nice Guy™ that I’m dating actually kind of treats me like trash” to your mutual friends, hopefully-not-mutual family, and colleagues.

Here is the other half of the story about my ex and I.

My ex was saccharine-sweet to me 99% of the time, but he would also spit words at me and make me feel absolutely disgusting when he had had a bad day. He’d use cute nicknames and tell me that he loved me, but he’d guilt trip me for making him feel bad when I flinched away from contact.

My ex would tell me that of course he worried about me, but he’d follow it up with “because nobody else in your life is going to.” He would tell me that I was being unfair by asking him to see a therapist about his severe depression instead of unloading on me, and did I have any idea how much of a burden it was on him that I have a physical disability?

My ex would call me every night to ask me about my day, but he would also finger me so roughly that I would cry, and then fall into a funk for days over the fact that my crying made him feel “useless.” He would get so mad at me for having panic attacks that I would end up cowered in the corner of my bedroom trying to hide from him, and he’d tell me that I was being unfair, because it’s not like he was hitting me.

whalecom chibird

Source: Chibird

“Even if your relationship could be worse, that’s not an excuse.”

The #1 thing that stopped me from saying anything bad about my relationship is a universal of (too) many other relationships: I was embarrassed to admit that I let someone else treat me like that. But you know what? If someone else is being a dick, that’s not on you. Not even if you covered for them in the past.

But the other thing that stopped me was the knowledge that my relationship wasn’t as bad as many others are. What I’ve come to realize over the past 10 months, however, is that even if your relationship could be worse, that’s not an excuse for the ways in which it sucks. Like, if you buy a really shitty mascara and it clumps your lashes into a gross uni-lash, you’re not like, oh, it didn’t rot my eyes away with acid, so I guess I have to recommend it to a friend now–why would you give more leeway to something as important as your relationship?

I also spent a lot of time excusing him for things because, well, I honestly don’t think that he had any idea that the way he was treating me was wrong. But just because someone doesn’t consciously decide to be cruel, that doesn’t make their actions any less terrible, and I’ve slowly come to remember that your partner’s ignorance should NOT excuse their actions.

fox

Source: Bridget Beth via DIY with Maryann

“If something is unacceptable FOR YOU, then it’s unacceptable.”

There is a part of my brain that looks at this post and thinks no, you can’t say that; it’s unprofessional. It’s uncouth. But like — fuck that part of my brain. Fuck that part of all of our brains. I had no idea that my last relationship was messed up because no one ever tells you what level of anguish is unacceptable, so you know what? I’m going to talk about it. It’s not unprofessional: it’s necessary.

As far as I’m concerned, any level of cruelty high enough to cause mental distress is unacceptable. You’re not a checklist, you’re a person, and if it’s unacceptable for you, then it’s unacceptable. There is a wide margin between an abusive relationship and a healthy relationship, and if you fall short of a even just a passably good relationship–if your partner makes you stressed, sad, and unhappy–then yeah, I think you owe it your yourself to move on.

positivedoodles hedgehog

Source: Emm’s Positivity Blog

“My super-fun two and a half year torture party,”

I stayed with my ex because I thought that all relationships would be some degree of bad, and I was scared that nobody better would ever want me. Everyone has always told me that that was nonsense, because I’m pretty and smart and blah blah blah, but have you met women in general? They’re amazing. They’re all so gorgeous and intelligent and fucking funny, and most of them aren’t permanently disabled–who would want me?

(Lots of people, apparently. There are a lot of lonely people out there in the world.)

I gave myself three days to pick myself up off the floor after breaking off my super-fun two and a half year torture party, and then I got right back into the saddle & tried out my first-ever dating app.* I had my first date scheduled before the week was out, and while we didn’t work out romantically, we’re still friends– we text almost constantly, or at least, we did (but then he got a very cute, very dumb puppy and now he spends all of his free time crying and cleaning up pee.)

*Quick online dating tips: OK Cupid is awesome if you want to screen people for their likes and leanings; Tinder is awesome if you only want to be messaged by people you match with (which can make it a great choice if you’re LGBTQ+). People seem to be hotter and younger on Tinder, for some reason, but more artsy/geeky on OK Cupid.

I met my current partner on Tinder! And I’d tell you the full story, but it’s just not as funny unless we tell it together, so I will keep you in the dark on that for now.

If you wanted an awesome conclusion to this post, I’m afraid you’re out of luck. I am very small, and currently very sick. But I can tell you this: I wanted to share my story so that anyone out there needing to talk (about something present or past) would hopefully see this as a safe space, too. So for anyone who wants to weigh in, share stories, or get all academic on us–feel free to use the comments down below at any time when you want someone to listen.

Anonymous comments are welcome.

pusheen hug every person

Source: Everyday Cute (Pusheen!)

I don’t view the relationship I described here as abusive, but if you’re in a relationship where you feel mentally or physically unsafe, please, please, please check out the following resources to get help when you feel ready.

L’Amourose Rosa Rouge Rechargeable Heated G-Spot Vibrator review | Incredibly chic temperature play

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

L'Amourose Rosa Rouge Rechargeable Heated G-Spot Vibrator review photos

The product: L’Amourose Rosa Rouge Rechargeable Heated G-Spot Vibrator

It’s been a while since theNotice’s last toy feature. Missed the last couple? Check them out here! { Je Joue Uma G-Spot Vibrator / We-Vibe 4 and Tango }

L’Amourose’s Rosa Rouge is, I think I can fairly say, a vibrator like no other vibrator that you’ve ever tried before. Its shape, design, and heating element (yes, you heard that right) are entirely without compare, and the not-so-hidden tech geek in me gets a little thrill every time I pull this one out.

L'Amourose Rosa Rouge Rechargeable Heated G-Spot Vibrator

The Rouge difference: What makes the L’Amourose Rosa Rouge so utterly unique is that it’s a heated toy. As in, “designed to heat to a perfect 42 degrees Celsius,” (104 – 107˚F) which is a far cry from the usual, “accidentally heats up sometimes during use,” seen in most vibrators.

An upgraded version of the brand’s un-heated Rosa vibrator–which is otherwise identical–the Rosa Rouge maintains a steady 40-42˚C (normal internal body temp is about 37 degrees), warming up within a minute to skin temperature and reaching its final, toasty destination within 4 minutes.

L'Amourose Rosa Rouge Rechargeable Vibrator review photos

Temperature play: The warmth of the Rosa is focused on the g-spot ridge and is limited to the insertable portion, leaving the base only barely warmed no matter how long it runs for — which I think is quite a shame, because temperature play is typically most effective at skin level.

That said, however, the Rosa is lovely both in and externally. (I guess 42 really is the answer to life, the universe, and everything.) For those who have never experienced temperature play, I would absolutely urge you to! For me, warm objects feel like satisfaction–not even sexual satisfaction, but like… that feeling you get when you step into a hot shower on a cold day; that’s just calm and quiet and good. Like a little moment outside of time, or a really great massage facial totally above-board spa treatment.

L'Amourose Rosa vibrator review photos

The motor and settings: Umpfgh. Oh my god. You guys, the motor on this thing is so rumbly — like, MiMi Soft levels of rumbly, but without the rattling. It’s a constant, demure ruh-ruh-ruh, and it goes up HIGH, too: L’Amourose has tricked this baby out with a whopping 12 speeds and 9 vibrating modes. 

And y’know what? I’m usually a pattern-hater, but I have to give L’Amourose credit for these ones. They let you use only the internal or only the external motor (yup, this vibrator has two motors; it’s that high-tech), alternate between the two, or slide from one to the other in a slow, hypnotic transition.

The motors totally aren’t “whisper-quiet” as promised, but they’re still very quiet. Despite this being one of the most powerful vibrators I own, it’s near-silent under a blanket!

L'Amourose Rosa Rouge G-Spot Vibrator review charging dock

The design: Apart from a super-sexy, gemlike silhouette, the Rosa Rouge is equipped with all the good stuff, too. It’s made from silicone and ABS plastic (for the shiny, multifaceted base), is fully waterproof, charges by simply sitting on its pedestal (LITERALLY A PEDESTAL), and has a battery that’ll last for 3 hours at medium speed on a 2 hour charge. 

What makes the Rosa design truly brilliant, however, is the fact that, once inserted, it’s basically a hands-free toy. It pairs well with clit vibes like the We-Vibe Tango, but it stays in place easily on its own, too.

And, finally, in terms of its g-spot design, I find the Rosa Rouge to have quite an intense curve to it. The flexible shaft keeps things relaxed, however, so no matter how filling it may be, the Rosa’s shape is never bruising or sharp. I find that it’s best used in a nudging/rocking motion (like the Tex), and if I pair it with the Tango, I can get off in an unbelievably short timeframe–the two together are a dirty, efficient, mind-blowing dream.

L'Amourose review photos

The verdict?

As a big fan of rumbly vibrations and temperature play, I can’t not recommend the L’Amourose Rosa Rouge. It’s an absolutely beautiful piece of technology, covered in velvety-soft silicone, and it is by far my favourite internal vibrator.

At 4.5″ insertable and 1.5″ around, the Rosa Rouge is something of a work of art. It’s not something that I reach for all the time and it’s not a toy designed for thrusting, but when I feel like I’ve been very, very good, the Rosa Rouge makes me feel simultaneously like a princess and an–actually, nope, it pretty much just makes me feel like a princess.

So… my final recommendations. A $240 toy isn’t feasible for all of us (I was lucky enough to have mine given to me by the lovely folks at SheVibe), but the Rosa and Rosa Rouge offer things that other vibrators simply don’t: a comfortable hands-free design, temperature play, and (and!) 3+ hours of near-silent play on a single charge. If you can do it, I say do it.

Availability: $239.99 USD at SheVibe, or $179.99 USD for the non-heated Rosa (currently available at SheVibe in Emerald or Cerise). To help take the sting off of the price tag, L’Amourose pieces come with an 18 month warranty and a lifetime quality guarantee (50% off any replacement piece if yours breaks, even 25 years down the road), as well as a beautiful storage box and a satin-lined velvet pouch.

Keep reading! »

Vixen Creations VixSkin Mustang in Fluor-a-Pink: review, photos | Give yourself the best Valentine’s Day gift ever. (EVER.)

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Vixen VixSkin Mustang review art

The product: Vixen Creations VixSkin Mustang in Fluor-a-Pink

You know something is good–like, really, really good–when you can’t shut up about it when talking to your friends.

VixSkin is no exception.

Keep reading! (Warning: NSFW) »

What it’s like to get an IUD (and why you need one): A Christmas gift, from me to you

Thursday, December 25, 2014

The best thing I did all year was get an IUD and play hide and go seek with my mom, so today, I’m here to tell you all about it — the IUD, not hide and seek. Today’s post covers my entire IUD experience over the past six months, and I truly hope that you’ll find it helpful.

I’m going to take the next couple of days off and just leave this up here at the top of theNotice, but I’ll be back shortly. I hope you’re all having a wonderful holiday season so far, dear reader.

PS: YES I DID TAG THIS AS HOLY GRAIL.

The basics

This is the stuff that you can find anywhere on the internet, so I’m going to gloss over it. Here are the basics on IUDs, as compared to each other and the pill — I’m reviewing the Mirena (hormonal) IUD today, but the insertion process of a copper IUD is the same.

IUD infographic thenotice

As with any kind of birth control, IUDs don’t come without risks — and some of the rare side effects, like perforation or ovarian cysts, are very serious. So if you’re thinking about getting one, talk to your doctor and do a little bit of research on your own. I’m an undergrad, for god’s sake. Don’t just take my word for it.

Why I chose the IUD

Simply put: I really trust my OBGYN. I have had awful periods for most of my life, and oral contraceptives weren’t working out for me — I couldn’t do continuous birth control, and it totally killed my sex drive. (Plus, I have vestibulodynia, which is sometimes linked to the pill.)

(PS: if you experience pain when inserting a menstrual cup–and I know many of you do–you probably have vestibulodynia to some degree. Talk to your gynecologist; it’s usually very easy to treat!)

Anyhow. My doc thought I’d do a lot better with an IUD, and he’s amazing at his job, so I said okay. Most of the serious risks of an IUD occur during insertion, and this guy has done thousands without a single perforation or expulsion. I figured that a few weeks of cramps was a good trade-off for five worry-free years of birth control, and I was reassured by the fact that if my body didn’t like it, I could have it taken out whenever — removal is easier and faster than insertion.

Mirena size

The size of a Mirena (from their site)

What it’s like to have an IUD put in

NOT SO GREAT, YOU GUYS. I’m going to be totally honest here, because it wasn’t comfortable, and the fear of not knowing was even worse than the insertion itself.

Everyone says that getting an IUD is like a really bad period cramp, but everyone is LYING. It’s like a very sharp muscle knotting deep in your gut, and it feels really bad — but it’s definitely not the worst pain I’ve ever been in. I’d say it’s like stubbing your toe really hard, except instead of a toe it’s your cervix. So… worse than most things, but extremely localized and very short-lived.

What the process was like & more… »

Je Joue Uma G-Spot Vibrator review, photos, comparison | An eco-friendly, body-friendly way to get off

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Je Joue Uma vibrator review

The product: Je Joue Uma G-Spot Vibrator

This February, I introduced you guys to one of my favourite gadgets ever made: the Je Joue MiMi Soft. So, today (you know, before the Christmas shipping deadlines), I thought I’d show you a little bit more from the line.

Je Joue is one of my all-time favourite tech brands–when you create a motor that rumbly, you get to be classed as a tech brand rather than a toy brand–and the Uma is no less well-made or well-packaged than the rest of the line. If your partner is still grasping at straws to try and find out what to get you this holiday season, send ’em this review and tell them to get you something from Je Joue. (You’re welcome.)

Also, yes, I did just learn how to code that in for this post.

Je Joue Uma G-Spot Vibrator review

The specs

Like the Je Joue MiMi Soft that I reviewed in February, Uma is 100% waterproof, silicone, and rechargeable (via two little magnetic charging points on the end, which also serve as insanely stiff +/- controls). It’s fully submersible for and features five vibration levels and six independently-controlled patterns.

Why you want… SILICONE – non-porous and completely stable, silicone toys won’t leech chemicals into your body (or trap bacteria beneath the surface). WATERPROOF – safe to use in the bath, and easy to soap up and clean thoroughly after every use. RECHARGEABLE – no additional costs over time (basic AAA batteries are $12 for four!), and they help keep used-up batteries out of landfills.

Gently curved, the Uma measures in at 7″ long and 1.25″ at its widest, and comes in four colours: purple, light lilac, fuchsia, and the matte black pictured here. If you look at it from the end, it looks a little bit like an adorably confused sloth.

Sloth Uma

Je Joue Uma review comparison - lelo, we-vibe

I really love Je Joue’s silicone, which has a velvety matte finish and doesn’t pick up too much lint — it definitely screams luxury, and is safe to use with both water-based and natural oil-based lubricants (I recommend Sliquid Sassy and Yes Organics, respectively). But unlike some other luxury brands, you really do get what you pay for with Je Joue: their silicone is flawlessly seam-free, and their battery holds a charge well over time.

Je Joue interchageable charger

The experience

Uma comes inside of a sturdy, discreet set of boxes, and features the usual ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh Je Joue motor — which, yes, is just as strong, deep, and rumbly internally as it is externally. It’s gently curved and narrower in the centre, which never catches on the pubic bone (ouch) and gives a degree of maneuverability that I think most will appreciate. I mean, except for those who prefer extremely pinpoint g-spot pressure, though really, do those people even exist.

(I’m just kidding; those people do exist, and they should opt for the G-Kii instead.)

Je Jou Uma curve

Side view of the Je Joue Uma

The Uma is extremely lightweight despite its impressive motor (which is slightly quieter here than in the MiMi), and my only complaint is that I would have liked to see it with a Soft option: Je Joue has proven that they’re able to add a very realistic texture without dampening their vibrations, and I think the Uma could have been a must-have with that soft, bouncy finish.

Uma’s length makes it easy to use internally with either a rocking or a thrusting motion, but I’d say skip it if you want to use it externally more than, like, 20% of the time — that length makes it awkward to use close-up.

Je Joue review - Uma internal vibrator

The verdict?

When it comes to sex toys, “your mileage may vary” is a term that can’t be taken seriously enough — but things like aesthetics and quality are still irrefutable. I personally prefer Je Joue’s MiMi Soft ($95) to the Uma, but I know some of you skipped the MiMi last year because you wanted an internal/external toy. For a mix of both worlds, Uma is great, and an easy toy to buy online: there’s no secondary arm to poke you in weird places, the curve isn’t so severe as to be uncomfortable, and Je Joue’s silicone is so smooth that there are literally no seams to be felt.

For a discreet, rechargeable internal vibrator with a kickass motor, Uma is an awesome toy to have on hand… but without Je Joue’s Soft finish, it’s just a nice-to-have, not a must-have. You definitely need at least one of the two, though, so choose as you will!

Availability: $109 USD at SheVibe (US) / $110 CAD at Come As You Are (Canada) / £74.99 at Lovehoney (UK) with free delivery within the country at each. Special thanks to the ever-wonderful SheVibe for sending this in for review!

Remember to buy before the end of this week for delivery by the 25th.

Additional photos & more »

Science for bleeders: completing the Stayfree Challenge

Monday, October 6, 2014

It’s been a while since our last Ladystuff instalment, so when I was contacted by Stayfree about their new Stayfree Challenge, I snapped up the opportunity in an instant. Fake-science that has to do with making periods less awful? Count me in.

Stayfree Ultra Thin pads

This nine-step challenge requires bloggers to begin by laying out three pads: Stayfree’s new Ultra Thin pads (about $7 USD/32 pads) plus two unmarked competitors. Funnily enough, the two competitors are the exact two pads I was using before, so I recognized them pretty easily! (The yellow is Always and the white is Kotex’s Natural Balance Ultra Thin Regular with Wings.)

Once lined up, the challenge itself is pretty simple: you pour 5 ml of blue saline onto the centre of each pad, wait 30 seconds, then top each with a blotting sheet and 5 lb weight. (The package all of this arrived in was so heavy, you guys.) Then, five seconds later, all you have to do is remove each weight and blotting sheet.

Stayfree Challenge

When I completed the challenge, I found that the Stayfree blotter was almost completely clean, with the Kotex blotter coming in second. What was really alarming, though, was that the Always pads I’ve been loyal to since forever (I still remember freaking out about how thin their most recent launches were and how well they absorbed) did terribly — the blotting sheet was so soaked that it stuck to the weight!

What you can’t see in the pictures is the texture of each pad, so I wanted to touch on that briefly, too. I found Competitor #1 (Always) to be the stiffest, and Competitor #2 (Kotex) pad the spongiest; sort of like many layers of netting rather than a compressed stack of fibers. The Stayfree pad fell somewhere in-between — they were a little clunky but very soft, and I found them to be the most comfortable to wear out of the three.

Stayfree Ultra Thin pad review

In conclusion…

I don’t do a “verdict” section for sponsored posts, but I did want to wrap things up with a summary. Despite the fact that I did this challenge for fun, I actually got something out of the results — I found out that there’s something better out there than Always Infinity pads, and that something is Stayfree Ultra Thin. The Stayfree pads don’t just absorb better, but they also feel less like a manilla folder that’s been unfortunately positioned between your legs, so that’s a plus.

Will I be making the transition to Stayfree in the future? You bet your buttons I will. Or — I would (I definitely, definitely would), but I found out a week after receiving this challenge in the mail that I don’t really, uh, have a period anymore?

But that’s an IUD tale for another day…

Stayfree Ultra Thin packaging

Stayfree Ultra Thin padsStayfree Ultra Thin absorption

Stayfree Ultra Thin pad + 5 ml blue saline

Disclaimer: this challenge was sponsored by Stayfree, but my opinions (good or bad) cannot be bought. My priority at all times is our readers, and that’s not going to change! 

To clarify, all I was required to do for this post was film or photograph the fake-science part. The rambling review? That was all me, folks. You’re welcome. 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...