My grandmother’s friends call on a very regular basis – of all five people in this house, she gets the most calls. That woman is on the phone for, literally, at least three hours every night!!

The problem with this is that her friends are old, and most of them only speak Asian languages (Toisanese is what my parents call it, though I am sure the spelling for that is off by a mile) This is particularly infuriating for me – I speak English and a bit of French, but speak to me in Chinese and I’ll look at you like you have a third arm.

So today, after painstakingly trying to tell an old man that I do not speak his language and she’s not home, I decided to risk trying my hand at this. A few weeks ago, I asked mum how to say “Stella isn’t home” – it sounds roughly like “Ayee a mokaya”… and I butcher it.

But I tried it anyways. “STELLA!” he hollers into the phone. After a few sentences in Asian, I catch a few broken English words – Chinglish renditions of “home” and “talk”. So I risk it and butcher the phrase – “mo’okay-a?” I try.

There is a long pause, followed by a slur of Asian and finally: “Thank-a you,” and he hangs up the phone.

When it’s not working, change your approach to the problem, and hope for the best. I’ve been trying so much to do this, recently, and it’s hard – it’s definitely hard. But you know what I’ve been finding? Four out of five times, it’s worth it.