Thursday, September 25, 2008
Just how far have we come?
Everything still feels the same, but everything feels different; page hits are staying relatively low, but there’s been an influx of great minds and fabulous people – the hits now have faces and names and emotions. Sure, the numbers are similar, but you’re all very different. You’re all so very real.
Posting is still the same, but feels so different; I say what I want, when I want, how I want to. I’m not restrained not limited. But there is so much more to say, now – I can write about an entire new world, a beautiful new world, of cosmetics and products galore. Or, on the other hand, of the dazzling new world I feel like I’m in, learning to let go.
So if the hits and posts are the same, but they feel so different, just how far have I come?
Far. Farther than the top of the mountain and farther than the rift in the ocean; I can see forever and it looks so lovely.
The more I wrote about me, the more I realized that unless I changed, nothing else would. And the more I wrote about beauty, the more I realized how much I love it. So I changed to accommodate both. I dropped full IB, giving me 250 more hours of free time over two years without the mandatory CAS hours. It gave me a foreign new feeling, that of normality – I’m no longer one of the “elite” IB workhorses, I’m just your regular partial IB student.
Why did I drop it, though? Not the time, not the pressure. It’s all about the love I was talking about. Dropping IB Biology meant three more credits – paired with the three I had kicking around, I created space for Cosmetology 20 – Colouring. I’m going to finally do something I love, instead of something I feel I have to do. I’m going to be colouring and bleaching and giving facials and doing makeup instead of cutting open fetal pigs, and that’s okay with me. That is so okay with me.
I’m going to do Psychology in University, instead of Psychiatry. No one will look at me in awe, and I won’t be able to flaunt years of medical training. But I’m going to be deal with normal people and normal issues, and I’m going to be able to talk them through the worst times in their life. I want this. I don’t truly want Psychiatry; I know I can’t live handing out pills to mentally unstable strangers. I’ll make a ton less, but I won’t have to kill myself in school and I don’t need to stress over marks – it’s an Arts, not a Sciences.
And maybe I’m going to do another thing that I want to do. Maybe I’ll be a freelance makeup artist to get myself through University, instead of working some low-end retail job. So how far have I come? What is the difference between me today, and me a year ago?
Today, I’m brave enough to do it.